Adventures in the Grocery Aisles

   Shopping for my family has become a completely different experience since we've started on the low-carb diet. See, I'm a couponer and a bargain hunter. I have discovered a ton of ways to save money at the grocery store over the years. I clip coupons out of the newspaper (Mom gives me hers, so they're totally free to me), I load coupons and deals onto my rewards cards online, I read those ads you get every week in the mail (no, for real!). I hunt down clearance bins and spend far too much time comparing pricing labels to get the "biggest bang for my buck". 
  Here's the thing-healthy foods are rarely on sale and don't often have coupons. You can find coupons for candy, chips, soda, pre-packaged pasta and refrigerated cinnamon rolls all the time. But it's rare to find coupons for veggies or meat. Seriously-I'm too poor to eat healthy! Yes, we've been eating steak. But it's discount steak. Whatever is on sale, marked down, 2-for-1. THAT'S what's for dinner. 

Doesn't that just make your mouth water?

  And the Atkins stuff, like meal bars and shakes? Fugiddaboutit. ("Forget-about-it" for those who don't speak mobster). You can find them on sale and I have found some coupons for them, but wow! Super expensive. Jeff ordered a bunch online (the only way he shops if he can help it) and I can't imagine what that price-tag looked like! 

Hey! Youse guys lookin' for some low-carb wraps? Good luck wit' that!

  Listen, if you want to do low-fat or gluten-free, there are a million options for all kinds of food items. Ice cream, peanut butter, yogurt, snacks, cereals, baked goods, pasta and pasta sauces. But try finding low-carb options. Do you know where they put the Atkins stuff in Safeway? In the feminine hygiene aisle. Check it out for yourself. No wonder Jeff buys the stuff online. I'm not sure how he found it in Safeway the first time. I wasn't there. 

Skinny Cow brand treats. Maybe I should re-think going low-fat? Yum!

  Not too many years ago, low-carb was all the rage. It was the cool kid on the healthy block. Low-carb options were everywhere. Damn the gluten-free revolution! They stole the low-carb thunder right out from under us! And low-fat followers will keep their cult alive forever! Sure-their stuff is really tasty, and it's a good idea to lower your trans-fats. Those things will kill you. But a lot of food companies just replace the fat with added sugar to make it taste good, making it just as unhealthy. So while low-fat and gluten-free dieters are loading their carts with tons of options, I'm climbing the shelves (because I can't reach the top) trying to locate the elusive low-carb wrap or bag of almond flour. I'm like health-nut wildlife. "Yes...and if you can see her, dangling from the top shelf...yes, we've spotted the rare miniature low-carb-panzee. Wait! She's seen us! No, don't run. Play dead and she'll scurry off to the produce section." Seriously, it's just like that.

Me, desperately trying to get to that low-carb coconut flour.

  And yet, I shall persevere. I have a couple of plans to try to save money. We could raise some chickens or cows (I could sell the milk!), I could plant a garden (I've never been able to grow anything, but I'll give it a shot) or if all else fails I'll take on another job as one of those sign spinners. I hear it's a good upper-body work out.

 If it's good enough for Spidey...